Wednesday, November 30, 2005

 

This week, I shall be mostly...

Regular viewers may notice a small change to the left hand side. I've shuffled some stuff around and added the new 'Currently' section.

I won't demean you by explaining it, instead I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you have an IQ of more than 4.

This change is obviously due to the fact that I couldn't think of anything to write about today

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

 

Rod the Rifle

So...Penny Lancaster(32) has given birth and Rod Stewart(60) now has his seventh child. Now, fantasies of a naked Penny Lancaster aside, this got me thinking. At 60, are you really going to be a suitable and / or effective parent? Having a nearly-one-year-old myself, it's fairly exhausting work, hence I leave most of the hard stuff to the wife ! I would imagine that most people at 60 are thinking about winding down into pleasant days of relaxtion and contemplation, moaning about the 'youth of today', eating mushed up food and soiling themselves. One thing I do know about babies is that there's not much time for relaxtion and contemplation, although there's plenty of mushed up food and soiling.

I imagine Penny to be far too glamourous to look after another person, having to mush up their food and clean up their soilings, so to look after a baby as well would be a nightmare (bet you didn't see that coming!)

Incidentally, on a related topic, I still think Penny is better looking than Rachel Hunter.

Monday, November 28, 2005

 

Smooth as a ....

Watching the over-the-top outpourings of grief over St George of Best, alcoholic wife-beater extraordinaire, I had a sudden thought...you don't see many footballers with beards these days. I don't mean the obligatory midfield hardman goatee, a la Roy Keane or designer stubble a la Ryan Giggs. No, I'm talking full beard a la Socrates or Best himself. You just don't see it very much anymore. In fact, off the top of my head, I can't think of a single current footballer with a beard. You can lose count of the number of dodgy haircuts (and Becks would probably cover most of them himself), but no experimentation on facial hair. Full beards, I grant you, have never been 'cool', but are popular enough that you would think that at least some footballers would have one.

But I guess not...

Friday, November 25, 2005

 

Still Cold...

As i look out of my office window, at the swirling winds driving blizzard-type snow into the faces of people walking by, I can only think to myself...

...what a p1sh day to leave my jacket in the house.

Kn0b

Thursday, November 24, 2005

 

it's so cold...

...there's a brass monkey crying at my office door.

I remember a couple of weeks ago, laughing when I read the prophecies of the 'arctic winter' and 'the coldest winter in decades'.

However, as my nuts are disappearing so far into my body I've got lumps under my ears, I'm starting to revise my opinion.

I did see something to make me laugh this afternoon though. I was walking down to the sandwich shop for lunch when a very attractive young lady walked passed me, perhaps about 20 years old. She looked like a model, but obviously knew it, with a arrogant, haughty expression marring her features. She was wearing a trendy floaty skirt and a trendy pair of flip flops and she looked like the coldest person i've ever seen - seriously, Captain Oates would have asked who the really cold looking person was.

I laughed all the way to the shops

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

 

Death to the Fatties

According to the news this morning, three Suffolk care trusts are to stop performing operations on people with BMI of over 30.

According to the National Obesity Forum, as much as 25% of the population may have a BMI of over 30.

First of all, I'm glad I don't live in Suffolk cos I'd definately fall into that 25% and I'd never get an operation again !

Secondly...I don't remember that being a caveat on my National Insurance contribution. Does that mean people with a BMI of over 30 can claim a reduction on their NI payments ??

I hope so - that'll teach them !

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

 

Get over it

Who f*cking cares about this anymore?

Monday, November 21, 2005

 

How much?

This is a post about Roy Keane, although not about football, so all you non-footy-liking types don't have to switch off. It's actually more about money.

Now...as you may know, Roy recently left Manchester United by mutual consent (i.e. fired) and is now jobless. He is reported to have been offered £95k per week by Juventus for 18 months. £95k per weeks sounds like, and actually is, a lot of money. However, once you extrapolate that up to the length of his contract, it becomes obscene. It works out to be £7.5 million for 18 months work. Once you factor win and goal bonus' into that, plus a siging on fee and more bonus for actually winning something, it's not inconceivable that he could earn £10 million over the next 18 months. In the continental fashion, this will be his post-tax, not pre-tax, salary.

He'll earn in one week what it would take an average-wage earner 6.3 years to earn. In a year, he'll earn as much as 444 average-wage earners.

Nice work if you can get it eh?

Sunday, November 20, 2005

 

The Sabbath

And so Sunday rolls around again. Didn't seem to have much of a break this weekend. Was up early yesterday to get to the footy, spent all day either at the footy or in the pub, then home and bed (or couch first for a bit to be exact!). Then, this morning, up early with a hangover. Not exactly a relaxing break. Just need to slack off at work to make up for it !

I have noticed recently a worrying trend of waking up early if I've been drinking the night before. During the week when I go to bed sober, it's a real epic trying to get out of bed. However, at the weekend, when I have taken a glass or two of purely medicinal sherry, I'm up with the lark. I'm then tired and grumpy all day.

I could stop drinking or I could buy valium. Hmmmm, I wonder !

Friday, November 18, 2005

 

Friday again

Seems to have been a quick week. Seems like only a couple of days again I was posting about opening my post-work beers (not that you need to wait until Friday to have post work beers).

This one is slightly different as I am preparing to go to the biggest game in world club football tomorrow. You can stick your Manchester, Madrid and Merseyside derbies up your *rse - the Old Firm, be-all and end-all when it comes to footy. None of the 'friendly derby' p1sh, just hatred and rivalry. We hate Rangers, they hate us - the way it's meant to be.

Now, I'll grant you the Rome derby comes close to the Old Firm game, but there's too much theatrics, histrionics and diving cheatery. Raw aggression, passion and determination is what you need - once that's mixed with alcohol and sectarian hatred, you truly have one of the greatest events in world sport !

Thursday, November 17, 2005

 

Not so Presidential Tony

So, Tony is going to get a doing again, this time on education reforms. Not much is going right for him, poor lamb. I reckon he knows he's leaving soon anyway, so he's trying to f*ck it up for everyone else. Thats what I'd do !

Cherie is now getting in on the act, taking massive fee's for lecture tours around the world, in which she is advertised as 'the Prime Ministers wife'. Now, while this is factually accurate, it also against the law. She's earning so much, Tony has had to declare her earnings to Parliament. Now, she is being pressured to donate it all to charity.

Never rains but it pours eh ?

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

 

Shenanigans defeated

So...the Tories got a doing last night on their proposed vote. No debate and a 302 - 228 defeat. So there !

Now, all we need is the Scottish parliament to pass a similar law and we're all sorted.

I did laugh though when I compared the arguments of nay-sayers from England against those from Scotland.

England - "We have a problem of binge drinking in this country. If you extend licensing hours, all you are going to do is give people longer to drinking. We are going to see more problems of binge drinking, alcohol-fuelled violence, anti-social behaviour and crime and disorder on our streets"

Scotland - "we've got a bevvy culture"

Linguistic genius !

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

 

Is there time for another beer ?

Why is it that MP's believe we cannot take care of ourselves. I am of course talking about the proposed extention to the English licensing laws* and the conservative plan to hijack them with a dodgy vote tonight. According to Theresa May, the shadow culture minister,

"We have a problem of binge drinking in this country. If you extend licensing hours, all you are going to do is give people longer to drinking. We are going to see more problems of binge drinking, alcohol-fuelled violence, anti-social behaviour and crime and disorder on our streets." she told the BBC.

Now...binge drinking involves drinking a large amount in a short space of time. This is normally driven by the fact that the pub is going to close at eleven o'clock. So, therefore, if you open the pub past eleven, there isn't the need to 'binge-drink' quite so much. As such, longer opening hours should actually lessen binge-drinking. Additionally, it will also mean that you don't have every pub emptying at eleven and everybody getting turfed onto the streets at the same time. So, with less people on the streets, there is less chance of fight breaking out and less chance of it turning into a mass brawl.

Now...again according to Ms May, if the votes fails, it will at least, force labour MP's to go on the record about whether to back or oppose the plan.

So...how exactly does this tie with her preaching about the ills of drinking and imminent social collapse? Is she secretly worried that, shock horror, the government might be about to implement a law that the people actually like. Is this really a delaying tactic so that this law doesn't get implemented. Would the opposition really stoop to low political maneuvering to stop a proposal that the public like to sabotage their political rivals ?

Is lager golden with a frothy head ?

* those people reading in Scotland can sit back smugly now and gloat about our much more liberal licensing laws

Monday, November 14, 2005

 

Things I've learned this weekend :

As they say, a weekend wasted is not a wasted weekend. However, I picked up a few nuggets of knowledge along the way

1) England now believe they are odds-on favourites for the world cup, after a win against Argentina, albeit a very good one.

2) Houses are very cold in November without heating

3) Never mind complaining about oil being $50 a barrel. Apparently, a barrel of HP printer cartridge ink would cost in the region of $495,000 !

4) Babies do not like tepid baths

5) The 15 pairs of trainers in my wardrobe is probably too many

6) Regardless of how wide and varied the selection of books in a shop is, I will invariably pick the 3 or 4 worst.

7) Mexican is once again my favourite food.

8) Stella is better than Kronenbourg

9) Do not burst a blister on your finger that isn't ready for bursting.

10) Glass shelves and baby foreheads do not make a nice noise when they meet.

11) Charity bookshops smell like old people

12) Planning for a birthday party and christmas dinner on consecutive days is a taxing task.

13) Madonna should give it up

14) Someone in Sony deserves a slap

So, all-in-all, a learning filled weekend !

Sunday, November 13, 2005

 

Not so Brrrrrrr

Boilers fixed, so the bigdov household is all nice and warm now. Apparently the pilot light thermocouple was burnt and needed to be replaced.

Now, you're probably thinking 'emergency callout on saturday morning, plus parts, plus labour - that won't have been cheap'

However, taking advantage of the excellent Home Emergency Cover on my bank account, it was freeeeeeeeeeee.

Which was nice !

Saturday, November 12, 2005

 

Brrrrrrrrrr!

So..gales and torrential rain batter scotland and temperatures plummet to almost zero. And what happens in the BigDov household ??? The f*cking boiler packs in and we have no heating or hot water !

So, what am I going to do? I'm going to do what all 21st century men do in this kind of situation - I'm off to my mums for tea !

Friday, November 11, 2005

 

TGIF

So its Friday again. The laptop is away, the tie is off, the shorts are on and the beer is open.

Following Wyndham's idea, just a short post tonight.

Have a beer, have fun and enjoy your friday night

Thursday, November 10, 2005

 

President Tony

You have to think, Tony Blair has a cushy wee deal going. He can come up with a proposal, say holding terrorist suspects without trial from 90 days. He says he believes in it as the police tell him it's necessary. It's splashed all the the papers as Tough on Terror - Tonys New Idea. Now...everyone who advises him tells 90 days is too long, look for a compromise, go for 45/50 days. Tony says NO..it's my plan, I'm great, it'll work (but just to make sure, he calls back two ministers from abroad and makes one get off his sick bed after heart surgery).

So...he gets absolutely spanked in the commons vote and has to settle for 21 days, when he could probably have the 40/50 days. He says the MP's have got it wrong, he's in touch with the people and he's the only one who knows whats good for the country and they should have voted for 90 days.

Then...a day later, Charles Clarke the Home Secretary comes out and says

"ah..actually the 90 days was my my idea..sorry..don't blame Tony..nothing to do with him"

So..Tony can come up with an idea - if it works, he gets the credit and if it doesn't, someone else will take the blame.

What a great job !

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

 

I'm watching you

What is it with some people in that they can't accept the official version of anything? Was flicking through Sky last night and found a program about conspiracy theories.

1) Paul McCartney died in 196?? and was replaced by a double to keep the Beatles going.
2) Princess Di was apparently killed by British security services, using the highly effective and often used method of a staged car crash.
3) Prince Philip is actually the ruler of world and uses his position as a director of the World Wild Life Fund to create environmental diasters to control the worlds population.
4) Mobile Phone companies are part of a secret world government and control our thoughts by transmitting mind control waves from phone masts.
5) Pearl Harbour was planned by the American Govt to draw America into the war, breaking the economic depression they were stuck in.
6) The moon landing was actually filmed in the arizona desert.

What a lot of utter p1sh !

However, there was a whole part of the show dedicated to the events of 9/11. There were no less than 7 separate theories devoted to these events

1) 9/11 was planned by George Bush, so he could declare war in the middle east, boosting his flagging approval ratings.
2) 9/11 was planned by a secret military/industrial complex, forcing massive military spending, generating huge profits.
3) 9/11 was planned by a secret government cabal in order to take control of the oil in the middle east.
4) 9/11 was planned as a huge insurance rip-off. Each tower was insured for $3.5 billion 3 months before the event. Both towers were riddled with asbestos and needed to be torn down.
5) 9/11 was planned by the government to generate a state of fear, allowing the government to enact new legislation (the Patriot Act), allowing massive infringements on civil liberties.
6) The Pentagon was actually hit by a missle, not a plane. The plane supposedly involved was actually crashed and sunk in the Atlantic Ocean
7) The plane that was forced down by the passengers was actually shot down by American fighter planes.

Now...I'm no defense specialist or investigative journalist, but with 5 different reasons (6 if you include the one about terrorists flying planes into them!) for the actual cause of 9/11, surely at least one of them must be wrong ??

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

 

Vive la France

Sometimes you have to admire the French. They truly do not give a f*ck about anyone apart from themselves. Not for them peaceful protest and political debate. Don't like the aristocracy - take over the country and send them all to the Bastille and the Guillotine. Petrol prices too high - blockade the roads and set fire to trucks. Govt talking about abolishing farming subsidies - fill the cities with dead sheep and set fire to them. Greenpeace ship in harbour complaining about your environmental record - sink the f*cker. Feeling muscular - set off 210 atmospheric nuclear tests (third only behind USA (1030) and the Soviet Union(715)). The UK comes a distant joint 4th (with China) with 45. Still...we set off most of ours in Australia, so it's not all bad.

Given the above, it can surely come as no surprise that there is an outbreak of civil unrest across France. The only slight difference this time is that it's immigrants who are rioting, rather than the French, complaining that they are being treated as 2nd Class citizens. Surely the French Govt can see that they have passed the basic French citizenship test. Don't like something or someone, feeling unappreciated or downtrodden - then just riot and set fire to things !

They'll be collecting their French passports before the weekend !

Friday, November 04, 2005

 

Statistics

I learned two new statistics yesterday, both of which surprised me(well, 3 if you count the fact that i found out the Mr Sulu from Star Trek is gay. Not a statistic, I grant you, but still surprising).

Tesco

Apparently out of every £8 spent in Britain, £1 is spent in Tesco. Not out of £8 spent in supermarkets, oh no, just £8 in general, on anything and everything. Once you take into account everything they have - supermarkets, petrol, financial services etc etc, they control 12.5% of the total consumer spending in the UK.

Waste

Apparently, one third of all food made in the UK on a daily basis thrown away. This includs restuarants, supermarkets, deli's, sandwich shops etc etc. Once you total it all up, it comes to a third of what was initially made. I learned this watch a program about Freegans last night. They are a (growing) group of people who only eat stuff they get for free. They are most interested in this statistic, cos they spend their day raking in the bins for said chucked out food so they can eat it. So, while this statistic is shocking, it's not as bad as seeing someone make a conscious choice to eat bananas out a wheelie bin.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

 

Permanence

I'm getting worried...

My favourite subject at school was english and I enjoyed the reading and writing that came as part of the coursework. This continued when I left school and university in that I still like reading for enjoyment and have always got 3 or 4 books around house that that I'm reading.

Now, why would this have me worried, I hear you ask. Well, i'll tell you, because, for the last 4 or 5 days, I can't think of a single f*cking thing to write about.

I've written about Lost, the TV show, a couple of times in the past, but there are only so many ways you can write 'it's p1sh, nothing is happening again'. I could write about music, but there a danger I could turn into one of the 'spoddy wee muso w@nks' I was criticising last week. I could write about movies, which I also like, but since the baby came along, we haven't been to the pictures much, and who wants to read my thoughts on 2 year old film?

Has the well run dry? Have I, finally, said all I'm going to say? Should I be like Roy Keane, slagging off all and sundry, conscious of the fact that I'm slowly fading into obscurity and only stir up controversy to remind people that I still exist?

Should I go back and hope to be inspired by the WWE Diva I posed about on Sunday?

Yes, I think I will !