Wednesday, August 31, 2005

 

Get Lost

I'm now getting thoroughly fed up with lost. It definately promised much when it started, but now it's just getting boring. It would appear to be less about what happens on the island and more about how all the survivors came to be on the plane. It's like watching thirty-something on a desert island. There are only 2 things stopping me from turning over - finding out what the big scary thing is in the forest and finding out what happened to the french survivors 16 years ago( although i suspect the big scary thing in the forest is what happened to them!).

The only thing saving it is that the other options at 22:00 are even worse

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

 

Is that rain ?

Now...I know we Scots like to moan about the weather, but can you imagine what it would like to be in the middle of a hurricane. I am of course watching the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina on TV and it looks pretty rubbish. Any storm that leaves your road under 20 feet of water with dead bodies floating in it is probably something to be avoided !

Monday, August 29, 2005

 

I DO like Mondays

Obviously, I don't normally, but as today is a bank holiday, I like this one.

Was still up early with the bambino, but still meant I could laze about, read for a bit, have a spot of lunch and pretty much not be at work. Which is always nice!

Did notice a news item on the web about a ID theft ring that was proving hard to shut down. Now, I'm no Blofeld-type criminal mastermind, but even I could work out that the people behind it are hardly likely to say "oh well, it's fair cop guv, we'll just come quietly and spend the next 5 years in jail"

Also read a story about a new Big Brother show in Holland. One of the contestants is due to give birth in 6 weeks and the actual birth will be broadcast live on the show. Apparently, a contestant was specifically recruited for this

You might that Reality TV couldn't sink any lower, but I also read about a new show (again in Holland) called "I want your baby and nothing else" about a woman searching for a suitable sperm donor.

You couldn't make it up

Sunday, August 28, 2005

 

Is it Safe?

Hungover again this morning, but slightly more worried about it, as I only had 3 beers and a glass of wine. I know there was fair amount of wine (the rest of the bottle!) in the beef stew I made for dinner, but it shouldn't account for the fact that it feels like Laurence Olivier has been working his dentist drill magic on my head whilst I've been asleep. If you don't follow the title and the previous reference, click Here

I'm worried that turning 30 has flicked a magic switch that has reduced the amount of alcohol I can drink without having a hangover, not that it was particularly high anyway! I've always enjoyed a drink and it has been commented in the past that I may drink slightly more than is good for me.

Now, however, this simple pleasure is going to be tarnished for me forever....

Saturday, August 27, 2005

 

Ouch

My predictions of last night have been proved correct. Friday night ... house ... rendered.

So..i'm suffering this morning and in my usual hangover good mood

So come back tomorrow, I can't be bothered writing much today

Night Night

Friday, August 26, 2005

 

Lets get the party started

So, the weekend has arrived once more, apparently just in time for summer to b*gger off. It's been p*shing down here in Edinburgh all day. Honestly, it's enough to drive a man to drink, as are Friday nights, so there's a happy coincidence !

Whilst having a young baby is a joy in itself, it makes the older traditional methods of enjoyment (getting rendered in town on a Friday night after work) slightly harder to come by. I guess I'll have to settle for getting rendered in the house on a Friday night after work, which, on the whole, is not too bad a second choice.

What I may try to do is reclaim some of my poker losses last night. I would say I had long run of bad luck, but as it only lasted 3 hands, there was nothing long about it. 40 to 45 minutes into the tournament on Paradise Poker and I've gone from 1500 chips to about 10,000. I'm the chip leader on the table and in about 50th overall out of 1100-ish. Three consecutive hands of getting beat on the river later, I'm back watching HOUSE on Channel 5. Enjoyable though medical drama's are, I was still (and still am!) feeling slightly aggrieved. Think I might tilt tonight, so think I'll stick with a few Stellas and a large plate of the finest Chicken Bhuna money can buy.

Enjoy your Friday night.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

 

Lost Spoilers

Lost

I took a bit of a slagging for my post yesterday about Win95. Apparently, it was good enough for 'dull techie pointy heads', but rubbish for the rest of the world. So today I thought I would lower the tone and talk about that lowest of common denominators - TV.

Like many people, I've been watching the new C4 show Lost. Whilst I enjoyed it at first, there are a couple of things now bothering me :

Firstly, there are too many ads. I had an episode on sky+ and when I watched it and fast forwarded through the ads, it was only 40 minutes. I know they must have paid a fortune for it, but seriously, 20 minutes of ads in a 1 hour programme is probably too much...

Secondly, nothing is happening! In 4 episodes, all thats happened is they've killed a polar bear, killed a (baby) boar and we've discovered that the fit dark haired lady is a fugitive. We don't even know why she's a fugitive That's not much over four episodes, even if they are only 40 minutes long. MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN !

Iraqi Star

Saw a clip from the Iraqi version of Pop Idol on the news last night, called Iraqi Star. Exactly the same format, even down to the nice judge vs nasty judge pantomime. However, the clip I saw involved an 8 year old singing about 'who would save his country' and bursting into tears. The judges were in tears, the presenter was in tears, the UK newsreader was in tears and, I'm not ashamed to say, so was I. The singing was truly f**king awful, i was p*shing myself !

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

 

Almost the same birthday

Today would have been the 10th birthday of Windows 95. Initially codenamed Chicago, it was released on August 24th 1995. Traditionally, the Windows OS and MS-DOS were kept separate, but were combined for the first in Win95. It was superceded by several Windows products and was officially withdrawn on 31st December 2002.

MS reportedly paid the Rolling Stones $12m for the use of their song Start Me Up in the ad campaign. The fact that second verse of Start Me Up begins with 'You make a grown man cry' should have given them some indication of what Win95 would be like !

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

 

Phish Off

Just like Gordon McLean , i've been getting a lot of ebay and paypal phishing emails recently. In fact, I got about a dozen overnight last night. Now, call me suspicious, but I think the chances of ebay sending me 12 absolutely identical emails in one night is probably slim, regardless of how many questions possible buyers have about my ebay items. When you combine it with the fact that I don't actually have any items for sale on ebay, I think I was fairly safe in deleting them.

Additionally, it also seems to fashionable to refer to naked celebrities in your posts, as both Gordon and NakedBlog have done it, so there you go. In fact, I'll start a new trend, how about Angelina Jolie and Sarah Michelle Gellar naked (more appealling to me than Jude Law naked)

Monday, August 22, 2005

 

Happy Birthday

So...I'm now 30.

30 sounds much older than 29. 29 sounds more late-youth, whereas 30 sounds more early-middleaged.

God knows what I'll think when I turn 40. Hopefully it'll be something like "i'm glad i won £20 million on the lottery when i was 30"

Sunday, August 21, 2005

 

Doh, Ray, Mi...

Isn't Karaoke brilliant !

Provided you bring it out at the right time, there is very little to touch it for keeping a party swinging. That right time is, of course, when everyone is completely rendered.

Birthday party last night, gets to about 1am, people starting to flag, so out comes my karaoke machine. Honestly, it was like I had fed copious amounts of colombian grade A nose candy into the air conditioning .

Another 2 or 3 hours of singing, dancing and partying then ensued, lubricated by several gallons of Pierre Smirnoff's finest.

So, yes, Karaoke IS brilliant !

Friday, August 19, 2005

 

When I were a lad

So...the decorating is now complete, just in time for a party on Saturday night, when it's bound to get wrecked again.

Yes...I'm 30 this weekend, the third of the milestone birthdays, 18 and 21 obviously being the other 2.

Things have changed since I was 21...marathon's have become snickers, opal fruits have become starburst, tesco appear to be the biggest company in the world, my waistline is expanding and my hairline is receding.

Still, I'll get shedded on my birthday as always, so the more things change, the more they stay the same.

PS - no presents please, a card will be fine

Thursday, August 18, 2005

 

Warning : People can seriously damage your health

I'm normally quite a calm person, but I saw and heard something this morning that nearly made my blood pressure come bursting out the top of my head. Not sure why it upset me so much, but such rank stupidity must be identified and eradicated

I'm on a bus this morning, waiting in traffic. Looking out the open window, I saw two woman trying to get into a block of flats, but getting no reply at the buzzer. One of them then whips out her phone and precedes to text the person in the flat to get them to open the door, rather than phone them. When her friend asked her what she was doing, she said it was easier than phoning. That's bad enough I'm sure you'll agree, but when her friend came back with 'yeah, thats true', I nearly jumped off the bus to batter her violently about the head and neck with the phone, in true Russell Crowe fashion.

It took me all the way to work to calm down !!

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

 

Always time for another beer

The fact the Scotland has the Thistle as it's national emblem is indicative of us as a race. Obviously, God was handing out the national flowers at the dawn of time and the Scotsman, Englishman and a Welshman decide to head to the pub and until the appointed time. They have a few pints and chasers and the appointed time duly arrives. "Right" says the Englishman "it's time, let's go". "B*gger off, we're drinking" say the Scotman and the Welshman. So, the englishman toddles off and queues up properly, as the English are wont to do. He gets to the front of the queue and says "Excuse me Sir, but I'll have the rose". As such, the rose becomes the emblem of England, due to the English love of queuing to get what they want.

A couple of hours later - "Right" says the Welshman "we'd better go". "There's plenty of time, I'm having another drink" says the Scotman. So, off goes the welshman and queues up. He gets to the front of the queue and says "Not much left, but give me the daffodil". As such, the daffodil becomes the emblem of Wales, as the Welsh like a drink, but will eventually fall into line.

Eventually closing time arrives and the scotsman thinks " Look at the time, I'm in trouble, I'd better be off". So, off he staggers, but there's no queue and no flowers left. So he walks straight up to the God and says "haw big man, whit you got left?". "I've nothing left, you're too late" says God. "What about that big pile of scraggly jaggy sh*te over there" replies the Scotsman. "Those are Thistles and heather, they're for the bin" says God

"How much are they?"

"Free"

"Gies one of each!"

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Thanks to Danny Bhoy at the Assembly Rooms the other night for that one
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

 

G'day mate

Now...i'm not normally one to get morose or wistful, in fact as the song says, i'm always looking on the bright side of life.

However, was speaking to a friend of mine over the weekend, who emigrated to Australia with his new wife at the start of the year. Hadn't spoken to him in a while, so we chatted for a bit, just catching up, as you do. He spent the time talking about BBQ's, sunshine, his new job, his new house and his new pool

Still...he has to talk to Australians all day, so nae luck to him, I'm sure you'll agree !

Monday, August 15, 2005

 

Sour Grapes

So..you might think the reason I didn't post yesterday was that, as it was Fringe Sunday here in Edinburgh, I'd be down at the Meadows, strolling around, sampling the beer and comedy, having a all-round good time.

In fact, the house-fuhrer had me stuck inside, still decorating.

The only consolation was the rain, meaning who went got soaking.

Ha Ha

Saturday, August 13, 2005

 

Rock and a Hard Place

Isn't decorating p*sh?

My plans for today of pub, footy, pub, home, chinese then bed lie in sad disarray. Was up at 9am, sanding down the walls in the kitchen, prior to painting. I don't know if you've used an electric sander, but once I had finished, my arms felt like I had just completed a swedish 'educational film' marathon. Honestly, my hands were numb and I had bearly enough strength to lift my medicinal 6 or 7 pints at the footy.

The only thing worse than decorating is of course paying someone else to do it. Apart from the immediate feelings of sad inadequacy, you sit all day watching them, thinking "I could do that, it's only painting, why isn't he working harder, i'm not paying him to drink tea" and gradually winding yourself into a self-righteous fury. You decide to DIY it the next time, make a complete and utter arse of it and have to pay him double to fix it. All the time, he's looking at you like he knows best, making you want to pick up the sander and grind that smug, self-satisfied grin down to the bone

Friday, August 12, 2005

 

TGI Friday

So...it's Friday, the weekend's here, work is left behind, party hats on, what crazy antics are we all getting up to???

Well...not much actually. Got the footy tomrrow, so will probably be in the pub for 11-ish, but that's pretty much about it. I would imagine it'll be the same as last saturday - pub, footy, pub, home, take-way, bed. Which, on the whole, is not a bad way to spend a Saturday !

 

It's my bag, baby

I have recently been the subject of a torrent of slagging at work for the use of my 'man-bag'. Now, according to Esquire and Heat magazines, this makes me cool and fashionable respectively. On the continent, it would mark me out as a man who understands fashion and style. However, at my work, it marks me out as someone to take the p*ss out of.

Sometimes it's hard to be so progressive...

Thursday, August 11, 2005

 

Fabulous Darling

Regarding my post on Monday 8th August, I've been reliably informed that navy is the current new black. This is according to Heat magazine, my wifes favourite

So there you go.

 

Welcome to the Revolution

So...England has decided to leave the licensing dark ages behind and join its culturally superior neighbour Scotland in being able to get a pint in a pub after 11 o'clock at night.

I used to do a fair bit of work in England and I could cope OK with the traveling and living in hotels. What I hated was not being able to drink in a pub after 11 o'clock. That slightly earlier witching hour always brought a decision: do I go look for a nightclub, pay to get in and buy three or four flat, over-priced Stellas, with the possibility of taking my face home in a hankie after some toothless local has glassed me for (insert random excuse here); or do I go back to the hotel bar and buy three of four flat, over-priced Stellas with all the other people working away from home with no-one to talk to, frightened to make conversation and who've decided to forego the pleasure of the aforementioned nightclub / glassing scenario.

Now, however, I'll be able to get glassed without having to leave the pub, with no worries about the price of my Stella or how much I'm going to get ripped off in my taxi home.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

 

A Festival of (not too many) Laughs

So...the festival is now in full swing here in Edinburgh. You might not be aware, but there are good AND bad sides to this. The good things are very good - later drinking, cracking comedy shows, specials offers, lots of foreign skirt with morally relaxed attitudes. However, there is a major downside - Edinburgh is absolutely HEAVING for 3 weeks. Honestly, sometimes it can be hard to even walk down the street. You get jostled and banged by groups of tourists with their huge backpacks on, either turning around, knocking you into the path of an on-coming bus or stopping suddenly, so you crash into the back of them, invariably tipping a cup of hot drink down your front, rendering you incapable of having children in the next 5 years.

And thats without all the people on the streets trying to hand out flyers, doing market research or selling hand-made p*sh. The worst though, are the spoilt, dread-locked rich-kids, living in Mummy and Daddys flat, pretending they're 'right on' and have a conscience by trying to get you to fill in endless sodding petitions about Iraq / Fox Hunting / G8 / Oil / Nuclear Arms / Anti-Capitalism or whatever is the celebrity bandwagon topic of the day.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

 

Ground Control to Major Tom...

...or Commander Collins to be precise.

Shuttle Discovery has returned safely to earth, which made me think - How cool would it be to be an astronaut?

Once you take the associated risk of dying any second in a thousand different ways out of it, pretty cool.

Plenty of wedge, good time off, nice view and more fluff than you can shake a stick at. In fact, if you could take the whole dying element away, it would pretty much be a perfect job.

Space Commander BigDov - got a nice ring to it, I think

Monday, August 08, 2005

 

Black is the new Black

It's a sunny afternoon here in Edinburgh, so given the fluff walking about in strappy summer tops today, thoughts turn to fashion. As you may know, fashionista's around the world are consumed every year by deciding what will be the new black. Now, as they compare any new fashionable colour to black, by definition therefore, black will always be better and more popular. Therefore, nothing will be the new black, it will always be the first 'autumnal brown' (or whatever is the new black when you read this). As an additional help to the men around the world, women believe that black helps hide any unsightly bulges around the derriere. Therefore this should avoid the dreaded "does this dress make my bum look fat?" question, when all you want to do is shout "no, it's all the f*cking chocolate you eat that makes you look fat"

Sunday, August 07, 2005

 

Ante Up

Up early this morning, so thought I would play poker, which I haven't done in a while. Online Texas Hold 'em Poker at Paradise Poker to be precise. Soon wished I hadn't. $2 down in about 5 minutes, followed by a $5 win, then $6 loss. Overall, $3 down. Continue playing poker or get some toast ???

Bring on the Kingsmill !

Saturday, August 06, 2005

 

Let the good times roll

So...after an average to good summer, the Scottish footy has returned. As you may have guessed, I'm an avid football fan, which is one of the reasons I'm glad the season has started again. However, for the main reason I'm glad, today is a case in point.

In the pub for 11, off to the game for 3, back in the pub for 6, home for 8-ish and a chinese for tea. No women, no 'chat', no p*sh - just men, footy, beer and betting.

Truly, let the good times roll...

Friday, August 05, 2005

 

Can I give you a call sometime?

How absolutely gutted would you be ??

Picture the scene...in a bar on a Saturday night, see a nice lady, buy her a couple of drinks, get on well, she gives you a number and asks you to call her. You call her on the Sunday and leave a message, filled with hope for a budding romance.

Driving home from work on Monday, listening to Radio 1, just in time to hear Scott Mills say "...and on flirt divert today, listen to this loser, he must be a complete munter..." and then play your message left on the Sunday.

You'd be as well crashing your car cos all your self-confidence has gone and your mates are going to rip the complete and utter p*ss out of you, forever.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

 

Celluloid Musings

Who would you like to play you in a film ?

A decision like this is fraught with choices - would it be a Hollywood blockbuster or a low budget indie? Action, Romance or Comedy ? Would the actor represent you as you are or as you'd like to be? Should it be accurate or have a certain amount of Hollywood's favourite 'artistic license'? Who would play your wife / girlfriend / significant other ?

I think I'd like to be portrayed by Sean Connery, as we have a lot in common - well-built, scottish, likes a small refreshment and well-known for his attractiveness to, and success with, the ladies.

Co-incidentally, i'd like to be portrayed as a James Bond type - constantly saving the world, whilst beating away the fluff with a stick (not that there would be much beating away). Idolised by men, adored by women - thats me in a nutshell, that is

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

 

Stop Trek

So...after 40-odd years, Star Trek is no more. Despite the new series being blazed over Sky for the last couple of years and a collection / petition to keep it going, the Trekkies are going to have to take off their rubber vulcan ears, hang up their starfleet uniforms, close the Klingon dictionarys and sob quietly into the arms of their limited edition blow-up Lt Uhurus / Dr Crushers / Cptn Janeways. They will now have to actually get a life and make real friends (i would have said get real girlfriends, but, hey, let's get real)

However, I would say that it's been over for 39 of the 40-odds years, in that TNG, DS9, Voyager and Enterprise were all, invariably, p*sh. The original version was about watching Kirk out-think and out-fight whatever race the prop/SFX team could come up with, while chasing as much alien fluff as he could charm into his quarters. Set again the backdrop of di-lithium crystals being exhausted, warp engines overloading and transport malfunctions, it was a pleasant, if not particularly taxing, hour of TV. However, in true Hollywood fashion, the subsequent series were all-consumed about delivering a moral message every episode and ensuring positively NO discrimination, whether based on gender, race, skin colour, antennae vs no antennae, number of eyes / limbs etc etc. And as for the schmaltz - in the old series, if a crew member acted particularly bravely, he would be rewarded with a manly handshake and a 'well-done'. He may even have got a pat on the back if he managed to save the entire universe (female crew members would obviously be rewarded with 'dinner' in Kirks quarters). Now, its like watching 10 Jimmy Stewart movies back to back - honestly, sometimes it felt like you were just waiting for Picard et al to announce an angel had got their wings when the alarm went off.

So...finally...officially... from Cptn Pike to Cptn Archer... from 1966 to 2005...StarTrek RIP

 

BigDov@Gutted.com

Phone the police cos there was a robbery at Parkhead last night. Some slovaks stole £500 from me. We should have won 6-0 and I should be sitting with a monkey in my sky rocket. Thought these new 'democratic' ex-soviet states knew they were supposed to kow-tow to the west in return for entry into the EU gravy train. Get the old communist russian masters back in, see how they like that, queuing for 15 hours for a potato and a loaf of stale bread and off to Siberian Gulag if you put a foot wrong !

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

 

Celestial Thoughts

Just been reading about the discovery of the 10th Planet in our Solar System, 2003 UB313. Obviously, my first thought was 'which kn*b named that?. Why did Roman Gods suddenly fall out of fashion? Was 2003 UB313 the model number of the discoverers first girlfirend - "Lactating Lesley the Luscious Lovely(Deluxe Model 2003 -UB313), self-inflating, no assembly necessary, requires cleaning"

Secondly, what does this mean for us? Is it more likely that there are aliens out there who'll want to come visit. If they do, they better have a Ferrari, a few good CD's and a big packed lunch, cos it's a really, really (and I mean really !!) long trip.

 

It's a sunny morning here in Edinburgh on Tuesday 2nd Aug

Decided to put my money where my mouth is this morning - A cheeky £10 on Celtic to win 6-0 tonight. Somewhat unrealistic you might think, reflected in the 50-1 odds i got on Sporting Odds, but it could make a great night even better. Watch this space.....

Speaking of windfalls, how good would it have been to win £77 million on the Euromillions lottery last Friday, like that Irish woman ? Slightly tarnished by the fact that she had to be police escorted out of the pub she was in and spent the night in police protection, with the ticket in a bank vault so she didn't get mugged/robbed/beat up, but still enjoyable I'm sure.

I would think that anyone who bought a ticket would already have imagined how they would spend it and fair play to them. However, what I hate is people who win big saying it won't change them or their lives. Whats the point in playing then ? Unless you're Bill Gates or the Sultan of Brunei, 77 million smackers are gonna make a BIIIIG change to your life, which is the point of playing the lottery. If you don't want it to change your life, don't play or give the majority to me, I'd be quite happy for it to change my life.

Monday, August 01, 2005

 

Life is all about Choices

Some randoms thoughts on choice. The choices we make define us and the way other people see us.

Kicks - Nike vs Adidas
Sport - Football vs Rugby (in fact, who am I kidding, Football vs Football)
Indians - Apaches vs Comanches
Music - Beatles vs Stones
Music - Guns n Roses vs Nirvana
Alcohol - Beer vs Lager
Spirits - Vodka vs Whisky
Shooters - Aftershock vs Sambuca
TV - Simpsons vs Futurama
Food - Curry vs Chinese

I agree the choices above aren't of the Sartre / I think therefore I am variety, but it'll pass 10 mins or so !!!

 

Welcome to BigDovs Blog

Decided today to start a blog. Thought Monday 1st August was an a good omen for starting something and been reading a few on the net, so i thought i would give it a bash

Therefore, I'll start with a rant, one which you may have heard before : How pish is Big Brother ? I'm not a fan of reality TV in general, but BB is utter drivel. 12 complete tw*ts living in a house for 10 weeks, living their uninteresting lives, brightened only by the chance to have a b*tch or stab someone in the back. I think the recent Dr Who episode had it right - when a person gets voted out, they should be vapourised live in TV. Either that, or just burn the house and the public get to vote in what order the Fire Service save the housemates. I'd watch that !

And who would we put in the house ???

Lothian bus drivers, thats who! If i demanded a pay rise from my boss and then went on strike when he didn't give me it, it'd be a P45-a-rama and welcome to the world of 'do you want fries with that'

Trying to get about in Edinburgh just now is a nightmare, cos if you drive, there's loads more cars on the road and if you take the bus, theres only 1 every 3 hours and they're overfilled, hot and smelly (but enough about the drivers - boom boom !)