Sunday, October 30, 2005


Ladies, I salute you

You may have noticed that I haven't posted in while. Now...I could claim that I'm suffering from writers block and that the creative juices have dried up for the moment. I could also clain that that I've been away for a while with no access to t'internet to keep the blog updated.

The truth, as most of friends will know, is that I'm probably the laziest person in the world and recently I just couldn't be ars*d.

But as I sit here, watching WWE diva's wrestling each other in a 'bra and panties' match, I seem to have become inspired ??

Next time you get a bit of a block, let Stacey, Torrie and Trish sort it for you !

If this doesn't get you going, you are clearly dead

Tuesday, October 25, 2005


Oh Happy Days

I was travelling to Glasgow today, so took the train through. As it nears the terminating station, it goes through 3 or 4 areas where I grew up and spent lots of time when I was young.

It started me thinking about what my life would have been like if I hadn't moved away when I was young.

I had a great time growing up, but if I stayed, I wouldn't have met my wife, had a baby, have the job I have now, the house I have now nor the friends I have now.

Why oh why didn't we stay - I was nearly in tears by the time I got to Glasgow !

Sunday, October 23, 2005


My messy room

I was installing my camera yesterday and one of the options is to create a web-cam with it, where it will take a snapshot every couple of seconds and post it to the web, so people all around the world can see what the web-cam sees.

Now...I'm as nosy as the next person, but honestly, who would want to look into my spare room on a regular basis. You'd see a spare bed, the ironing pile and a switched off TV - not exactly the Big Brother house of orgies is it ?

Saturday, October 22, 2005


Sir doesn't have a tie

If I felt underdressed before i went to the restaurant, that was nothing compared to how i felt when I got there. It was all Prada, Jimmy Choo's and champers. Food and drink were cracking though, if a touch over-priced. The restaurant is on the top floor, so you see all over Edinburgh, but that adds a certain premium to the prices. It's the first restaurant I've been in where they had a bottle of wine at £1000. I ask you, how much of that do they sell?

Actually, given the amount of diamonds and gold on show, probably quite a lot !

Friday, October 21, 2005


Does sir have a tie?

Off for a posh lunch today, but feel slightly under-dressed, now that I've seen the other people that I'm going to lunch with. We're going to a trendy, 'place to be seen' restaurant with the boss picking up the tab, so I took the opportunity to dress casual to the office. However, now that I'm in the office, everyone is looking much more glamorous, dahling. It's all high heels, strappy tops and fashionable handbags, whereas I'm wearing timberlands, denims and a t-shirt (my man-bag has been left at home).

Nevermind, at least I won't look out of place when I'm sleeping in the gutter on the way home, whereas they'll all look ridiculous !

Tuesday, October 18, 2005


Oui s'il vous plait

Inspired by watching the TV last night, I found myself wondering which accent is sexiest? I'm not talking about language as, like the vast majority of British holiday-makers, I've never bothered to get off my fat ass and learn a foreign language. (I tried Italian once, I got married in Italy so thought I should try to pick up some of the lingo before I went, so bought a Lingua-phone type thing, but once the initial novelty and excitement of having a new toy wore off, it was chucked in the back of the cupboard.) So not language, as you'd always be thinking she could be saying ' you disgust me, you fat slobbering pig, I only married you for the passport, soon I'll kill you ha ha ha'. That's always the problem with marrying ex-paraguayan death squad assasins.

I'm talking about speaking English, but with a foreign (or not, as the case may be) accent. After a substantial amount of thought and some discussion with Mrs BigDov, I finally went for French, with slight Southern American (that's as in Georgia or South Carolina etc, rather than the aforemention Paraguayan death mongers) in second place. Mrs BigDov went for Italian, which I thought was a touch cliched.

Monday, October 17, 2005


Bob Geldof, w@nker though he is, was right

Mondays are truly rank.

You've just started relaxing, had a nice bit of roast dinner, a glass or two of wine to accompany, spot of pudding and then it hits you - 'b0ll0cks, i've got to get up for work in the morning'. It always spoils my Sunday night.

Now, I'm not leaving out people who work shifts. Generally they will have a couple of days off a week as well, so feel free to substitute Sunday with the day before you go back to work.

I also think that productivity figures, across the UK, for a monday morning must be very low. You come in, usually late, chat to the folks in the office about their weekend, what/who they did, what they watched etc. Then you send out a few emails on the same subject, then head for a cup of tea. You get back, sit and drink your tea reading the email replies. You then hit a few web-sites, finding out about any news and sports stories that happened over the weekend.

By that time it's probably the the back of 11, so it's too late to start anything before lunch, so it's a few phone calls to catch up with people, a few more emails, a few more web-sites and another couple of cups of tea. It's lunch time, so you head off for a sandwich and a walk round the shops, maybe buy the cd or single of that tune you heard in the pub.

Back to the office, stick the CD in the PC and listen to it a couple of time, let a couple of people in the office borrow it so they can listen it then chat to them about how good it is. Quick surf of the net to see what else the band has done and see whats happened in the world whilst you've been away.

Finally, about 2 o'clock, you start your work.

The problem with trying to eradicate this from the UK workplace is that people always have to come back to work, regardless of what time off they have. People always come back and want to chat to other people about what they've done.

Long may it continue

Friday, October 14, 2005


Critics can stick it up their ar*e

Having been influenced by some reviews, which I don't normally do, I decided to buy a couple of albums which I normally wouldn't, namely Kanye West and Gorillaz.

Both albums proved my point - if an album is 'critically acclaimed', avoid it like the f*cking plague. Both were piles of utter, utter p*sh.

Critics are clearly spoddy wee muso w@nks, with nothing and nobody better to do than sit about stroking themselves about how good a band / album is and how great they are for discovering them first and liking them before they were famous.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005


Bags I don't go to the Superdome

Now...I know that the weather is a truly terrible topic for a blog post, usually reserved for when you absolutely cannot think of anything else to write about. However, as I have been sitting watching and listening to the rain for 36 hours, that's surely worth of some comment.

It's sh*t, that's what it is. There's a lake in my back garden that's currently stopping me leaving the house, as I'd be up to my ankles in manky rainwater.

Now, I also know that compared to the weather problems in, say, New Orleans, it's not that severe, but as this is the only weather I can personally comment on, i don't mind saying it's sh*t

Sunday, October 09, 2005


We're on the march with...oh, hold on

So...the world cup dream is over again. After two cracking results, in time-honoured tradition, we chucked it away in what should have been an easier match. We've even been denied our usual 'glorious failure' option, by being p*sh against Belarus.

I was cheered immensely, though, by watching Captain Fantastic David Beckham get done up like an absolute kipper twice and getting sent off. Apparently he's the first england player to be sent off twice - brilliant !

Not that it's anything personal against Beckham - I'd have laughed just as hard if any of the England players had been sent off.

What annoys me (as well as most scottish football fans) is the unashamed england bias of all of the media channels. Watching TV yesterday, you wouldn't even have known all the other home nations were playing, it was all england, england, england. Football Focus on BBC1 (yes, BRITISH Broadcasting Corporation) was devoted almost entirely to England, with a quick 2 or 3 minutes at the end, just to keep the provinces happy.

Actually, I'm glad that they qualified (although not as happy as I would have been had they not), cos we'll be able to watch the media build them up, carry them on a patriotic tide of self-delusion that they are going to win the world cup, then tear them apart in a self-righteous blame frenzy that would put great white sharks to shame when Germany beat them on penalties

It'll be almost as good as the football itself

Friday, October 07, 2005


All good things come to an end was the last official day of my holiday and it's a p*sh feeling, I can tell you. But at least I didn't waste it - a long lie, followed by some swimming with the bambino in the afternoon and a few beers and a couple of glasses of wine after dinner.

It's now just a traditional weekend, with the Scotland game on Saturday. I know the chances of world cup qualification are slim, but while there is still a chance, it's all systems go with 'Flower of Scotland', C U Jimmy hats, kilts and the odd refreshment.

I cannae wait !

Wednesday, October 05, 2005


Faraway Thoughts

As I sit here looking out at the rain bouncing off my window, there's only thing for it - I'm going to open the last of the holiday rioja, put on some music and wish that I was back in Spain

Tuesday, October 04, 2005


Just a quick courtesy call Mr BigDov...

Yesterday I planned a day at home, sitting on the couch, with long un-interrupted stretches of watching the TV, maybe a bit of PS2 and PSP thrown in.

However, before my two weeks in Spain, I hadn't had a day off in a while, so I wasn't prepared for a new daytime scourge - Telesales calls ! Honestly, we must have been phoned over a dozen times over the course of the day, with the last one about nine o'clock at night. As you can imagine, i was decidely annoyed as it kept interrupting my day of doing nothing.

It also got me thinking as well (which I hate on a day off!). They are phoning to get me to buy something, requiring me to have money, requiring me to have a job, requiring me to be normally working during the day when they phone.

Surely there must be a more effective way for them to get me to buy their product !

Monday, October 03, 2005


It's just not the same...

For the last two weeks, at this time, i'd just be opening a bottle of Rioja or perhaps having an eye-wateringly strong vodka, before deciding on a restaurant for dinner. Now however, I'm sitting on the couch, being forced to watch emmerdale, moaning about how much vodka and wine costs in Morrisons. The price, of course, didn't stop me buying either, so it's still Rioja and vodka, before deciding which take-away to phone.

Not quite the same, but it will have to do

Sunday, October 02, 2005


Homeward Bound

So my spanish fiesta is over for another year and is always the case, I am left wondering why the UK is so expensive. At the supermarket nearest to the villa I was staying in, a litre of Smirnoff Red was £6, yet in the UK it's nearer £13, over 100% more expensive.

I'm moving to spain....donde est mi cerveza?