Saturday, January 21, 2006


Beaten to it...

Now, I was going to return to world of blogging with a typical rant about Big Brother, the gorilla coat and the waste of resources in sending a police team to the BB house to seize Pere Burns coat cos 7 people complained.

However, Bystander beat me to it here.

As it happens though, Pete Burns is turning into must-see TV and not just for his Bride of Wildenstein looks. My two favourite quotes so far have been :

On Traci's hair - "it looks like Tina Turner's arse-hair"

On Barrymore asking about his cigarettes " who appointed you the f*cking ciggy police? Just because you suck dick now doesn't let you control who puts what in their mouth"

Once somebody makes the ashtray joke, I'm going to vote for them to win !!!!

Tuesday, December 20, 2005


I'll do it tomorrow

Procrastination and ambivalence are bad human traits I'm sure you'll agree, but combined, they can completely lay waste to any undertaking or hobby. Combining 'can I be bothered' with 'i'll do it later' gives you 'i'll do it tomorrow if I can be ar*ed'. I am of course talking of my recent shoddiness in keeping the blog uptodate. If some of the history's great people had shown the same drive and determination as me, we'd still be living in caves, eating raw meat and bashing the wife on the head everytime we fancied a bit of the other.

Idyllic as that sounds, I'm sure we'll agree it's for the best that we've progressed since those days !

Saturday, December 10, 2005



Curry's arrived



What shall I do ?

So...the wife is out on her works christmas night out, leaving me in charge of the Burkelette. She's now safely bathed, fed and in bed, leaving me the freedom to do as I wish until the wife gets home. Brilliant.

At least it would be if I didn't have the imagination of a slightly backward goldfish. I've got no idea what to do, hence the fact I'm on t'internet at half eight on a Saturday night.

Anyway, the beer is opened, the curry has been phoned and the boxing is set on my sky reminder.

Simple, but effect (just like me, apart from the 'effective' bit)

Thursday, December 08, 2005


Sure, isn't it grand !

According to the nice people at Sitemeter, I passed 1000 visitors last night. I can't believe there are people in the world who are bored enough to keep coming back to read my p1sh !

Anyway, on with the show...

Now, it's shame when most people die, especially if they are shot in the street, but do we really need the massive outpouring of public pseudo-grief over John Lennon. I know Lennon was not a bad pop star, but seriously, following on from the public canonisation of St George of Best, it's starting to get vomit inducing !

Tuesday, December 06, 2005


What a load of pretentious p1sh

In case you haven't guessed, this topic has been inspired by 'art'. No, not the swedish variety, but the awarding of the 2005 Turner prize. This year it was won by someone (i refuse to use the word artist, unless it is of the 'con' variety) who took a shed, turned it into a boat, sailed about a wee bit in it, then turned it back into a shed.

Speaking about his artwork, Shedboatshed (Mobile Architecture No 2), he said he did not like to be thought of as eccentric because "that's not what my work is about. It's a serious business on many levels".

"It's about slowing things down, about trying to retard this incredible speed at which we live."

The artist recycles objects, reframing and reforming them for his installations

The artist describes his work as "the physical manifestation of a thought process".

Tate director Sir Nicholas Serota said the prize has always enjoyed controversy, and that it "confronts us with the most challenging art of the day"


Now...I'm not much of an art critic, but I knows what I likes and this definately aint it. A shed is not art, whether you turn it into a boat or not. It's a shed (or a boat)

So there !

Monday, December 05, 2005


Are you there God ?

You may have noticed that I've had a couple of days off, coinciding with the start of December and advent. Now, most people celebrate advent with calendars, wreaths and advent candles. Apparently, this year, I'm celebrating advent by continuously lashing it up. December is only 5 days old and I've been on the lash for 4 of them. I've mentioned before that I'm not devoutly religious, but even I think God is going to be less than impressed by that.

God - "what good deeds and offerings have you dedicated in this advent season, when we celebrate the birth of my only son, sent to earth and crucified for sake of mankind?"

Me - "well...actually..none really, but I've trousered gallons of wine and beer. Does that count?"

Better go and help a couple of old ladies across the road !

Thursday, December 01, 2005


Vroom Vroom

Was reading this today - containing, probably, the stupidest legal decision I've ever heard.

In brief, a driver was recorded doing 156mph whilst using his mobile phone. He was charged with various speed and motoring related offences, but was acquited as he had not been served the correct notice of prosecution (apparently). However, he was acquited on the mobile charge because, according to the Sheriff, 'whilst there is evidence of him holding the phone to his ear, there is no evidence he was using it'

" Yes your honour, I'm aware I was doing 156 mph, I'm aware that's more than twice the speed limit, I'm aware that this is probably the highest speed ever recorded on camera in this country. However, I would never dream of using a mobile phone, that would be dangerous, I was actually just holding it to my ear "

I know judges and sheriffs have a tough, unenviable job, but sometimes, just sometimes, they do something so f*cking stupid it defies belief !